Fun Killer and Other Mom Jobs

There are so many wonderful and heart-warming jobs that are part of being a mom. We are the snugglers, cuddlers, and kissers of boo boos big and small. However, there are quite a few mom jobs that are a bit “less than glamorous.” No one mentions these “jobs” at any baby shower you will go to and women only whisper about them quietly behind their hands at the pool. Well, I’m here to break the silence and drag into the light of day, for all the world to see, the (not so) glamorous jobs of being a mom. Don’t worry, you can thank me later (I like my Starbucks-tall, NF, Mocha with whip cream).

  • Fun Killer-This job comes to mothers as a result of our extraordinary gift of sight. We see the stitches, broken bones, and tears  looming just off in the distance in the future. We know, that when all the fun is over we are the ones left with cleaning up the mess. We scrape spaghetti off the ceiling and  goo off the walls. We spend hours in the ER and administer band aids and Neosporin for days. So yep, we kill fun faster than Gibbs wielding a sniper rifle at a terrorist.
  • Toy Welder-Get out the glue, tape, duct tape, Girilla glue- you name it, we’ve used it. I’ve glued Elsa’s head back on more times than I can count. Wheels are rigged back on trucks and cups are precariously held together with Elmer’s for one more tea party. If it has been chipped, ripped, or squashed, we get out of welder of choice and our surgical instruments and get to work.
  • Teacher of All Things Gross- Of course we get to teach the fun things like letters, colors, and shapes. However, we are also charged with the task of teaching our children how to clean all of the nastiness that comes out of the human body. Every mom has been nailed with a blob of snot while trying unsuccessfully to show their tiny human how to blow their own nose. And what about wiping those tiny behinds? That’s another mom-teacher job. Someone has to show them how to get those behinds clean. If not, we end up cleaning them anyway when those streaked undies show up in the laundry. Ewww.
  • Puke Catcher-Do you wanna save your brand spanking new couch? How about that spotless carpet? Then yep, you have likely caught puke in the palm of your hands. You hear the sound (you know the one that makes you think, ugh) and make a slow motion, super-human leap across the room with arms fully extended silently shrieking, “Nooooooo!” to cradle the stomach contents of your tiny human. Wishing with all your might to spare your innocent and costly investments.

I think I’ve done my good deed for the day. Next time you are getting out the glue or in the bathroom giving your latest dissertation on proper wiping, don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’m off to have my reward now for saving humankind.

~Leanne

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